Man, these stink.
Wow. Hey everyone.
There were a few times this year that I truly thought we weren't going to make it. But hey! We're still breathing.. ha.
I really slacked on music in 2022, so those yearly round-ups are going to be late, so here's a snack to tide you over. If you like making fun of things as much as I do, please, let me know what song you hated the most this year!
⋆✰⋆ Honourable Mentions ⋆✰⋆
#15- "Broadway Girls"
By Lil Durk ft. Morgan Wallen
#14- "I Feel Funny"
By Justin Bieber
By Simple Plan
#12- "High Heels"
By Flo Rida ft. Walker Hayes
By The Chainsmokers
#10- "Rich Flex"
By Drake & 21 Savage
Ah.. Drake. Somehow one of the most successful artists of my generation winds up on this list every year. I've never been a fan, from his corny lyrics to his predatory behaviour, and I especially disliked him after that disgusting reference to Megan Thee Stallion's shooting that 21 and him wrote on "Circo Loco." So we can all be honest here: Drake makes bad music.
I had to give the honorary tenth place to "Rich Flex" though, as it graciously gave us the Femboy Drake meme- or more like solidified an ongoing joke. This is more of a meme song than anything, so I won't be too hard on it, except that those lyrics truly are awful.
"I know you on your period, baby, can you suck it?"
#9- "Comeback King"
By Corey Feldman
Corey Feldman is an absolute legend.
Known for creating some of the worst music known to man, when I heard he had released a song in 2022, I knew it would land in the bottom of this list.
Feldman doesn't quite deserve to be at the top, (#1 is reserved for the most rotten song of the year) and until his cancellation, I'll be an avid supporter.
If you're interested in listening to "The Room" of albums, "Angelic 2 the Core" is a hilarious listen, especially Fantano's reaction. This song isn't particularly special, but it certainly is terrible.
"I'm the comeback, comeback king/ I ain't missin', missin' a thing.
If you're going to, going to swing/ You better make it sting."
#8- "Mona Lisa"
By Lil Pump ft. Soulja Boy
This honestly makes me giggle so bad.
"Mona Lisa" is potentially one of the laziest singles of the year, it sounds like a song written by some cheesy boomers for that SNL sketch "Rap Roundtable" with Timothée Chalamet and Pete Davidson. The fact that it isn't a complete joke is so ridiculous that I have to admire Lil Pump and Soulja Boy's (2008 called) honesty.
"He said, "Boy (boy), you is stupid (you is stupid).
You need some education (what?), you is stupid."
#7- "Those Days"
Well.. THEY'RE back.
The famous-for-being-bad, dad-core Canadian group Nickelback have returned with a song about "the good ol' days." Figures.
I was actually surprised by how terrible this track is. It reeks of commercial-nostalgia, the vague sentimentality of youth that's just non-specific enough to play both during a Christmas commercial, and a Ford commercial.
The video is god-awful as well, the image of four old guys dad-rocking in a garage doesn't do much to humble the group, but instead points out how soulless and out of style the band truly is.
"Remember when we thought that first base,
Was just holding hands?"
#6- "emo girl"
By Machine Gun Kelly ft. WILLOW
There were a lot of MGK contenders this year.
I'm impressed by how annoying this duo managed to be, it's the kind of song that makes you feel a little nauseous after hearing, and got the deserved roasting of a lifetime when it dropped. It's got this, "I buy my alt clothes at Ardene's," kind of vibe, and makes very little references to the actual emo culture that MGK apparently seems to find hot.
"She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom."
Girls, is keeping your makeup by your bedroom mirror emo?
#5- "Made You Look"
By Meghan Trainer
This Gap commercial disguised as a Meghan Trainor come-back is quite.. familiar?
There's a lot to complain about here, but the most glaring issue is the recycling of Trainor's old hits- isn't this just "All About That Bass" part two? No amount of white girl doo-wops is going to fool anyone into thinking that Trainor is performing something unique.
Also, the music video is totally lazy, really only shifting between four or five shots throughout the whole three minutes, and is overflowing with product placement. It's giving 2010 Katy Perry, but it's 2023, and no one wants to be compared to Katy Perry nowadays.
"Ladies if you feel me, this your bop, bop (bop-bop-bop)."
#4- "Victoria's Secret"
Tell me an easier way to craft a TikTok hit and profit massively than to take down a target like Victoria's Secret, a decaying business that will exclusively be remembered for glamourizing unhealthy body standards and discriminating against models, and market it as a "well-intentioned, feminist message for little girls who are insecure about their bodies," over instrumentals plucked right from the TikTok pop factory?
Jax claims that this song was created, "to make young girls feel better." If she's being honest about that, why doesn't she say something more interesting? "Victoria's Secret's" sound and lyrics are more reminiscent of a Disney exec writing a "body-positive anthem" for the channel's latest pop-star than an authentic break-out artist. It's cheap influencer garbage.
"I know Victoria's secret,
She was made up by a dude."
By Takeoff ft. Rich The Kid
(Rest in peace Takeoff.)
If I could permanently erase two words from my mind forever, "crypto" and "NFT" would be promising contenders.
The amount of scams created by celebs and influencers regarding the cryptocurrency and NFT markets gives the flexing in this track a unique ick factor. The single art, unironically, features a couple of Bored Ape.. "pieces?" It's fascinatingly ugly.
It's not even a fun song, Takeoff and Rich seem incredibly bored the whole time, I wouldn't be surprised if they phoned the whole thing in. "Crypto" is lazy, boring garbage.
"I-I wanna talk about crypto (crypto, crypto, crypto)."
#2- "New World Order"
By Tom MacDonald ft. Adam Calhoun
We've got anti-vaxxer racists at the top again. Yay?
The white MAGA rapper MacDonald teams up with another terminally online alt-right psycho Adam Calhoun to whine about "political correctness," vaccines, abortion, I guess just about everything? Talk about snowflakes.
"New World Order" is just a list of the worst right-wing garbage takes from a couple of idiots cashing in on the stupidity of their conservative fans who have been desperately looking for another white rapper since Eminem went "woke." MacDonald is a talentless hack weaponizing a Black-created genre to push white supremacist ideas and to degrade the exact culture he's profiting from.
"Racism is gay, if you're offended, that's r*tarded."
#1- "Twinkle Twinkle"
By Leah Kate
Please tell me that teens find this trend corny too. Please. I'm begging you.
The TikTok-fication of pop-punk will be the death of me. The Olivia Rodrigo wannabes are gunning for your favourite childhood song, nursery rhyme, poem- anything they can get their hands on, and they WILL turn it into the worst breakup song you've ever heard.
This is a godless world.
"Twinkle twinkle little bitch,
Just another narcissist."